Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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