I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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