Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize