so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
