Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have demons in me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
