HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
did you just send me my own nude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
