He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My liver just broke up with me...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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