Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
