everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
