he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
