So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
