thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
