dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
