i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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