how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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