with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
