The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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