just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
