its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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