my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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