You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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