Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
