The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
