I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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