I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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