I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
