So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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