Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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