Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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