When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
