allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
