dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
