I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
