I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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