you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
