I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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