It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
