Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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