I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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