Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
