Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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