I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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