That's when you crack a 10am beer
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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