My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's get the cat blown out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize