you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
