and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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