Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
