I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
