girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
