Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
