Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My dick has a subreddit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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