he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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