I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
do nipples grow back?
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