bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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