There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
this just has baby written all over it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.