So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole