discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.