I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
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Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence