you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night