That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.