Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?