And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?