Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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