I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I came so hard my ears popped.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
