I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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