i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
