dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
vagina is talking i cant
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
